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QUESTION: My daughter is not comfortable around her teacher due to him being inappropriate: What should we do?
“My daughter is a senior this year and is about to graduate. She had a favorite teacher her freshman year. He would give her innocent compliments that she reminded him of a good actress he knew growing up. As the years went on, the innocent compliment turned into you remind me of an actress I was sexually attracted to. He would touch her shoulder, back, arm, hand, and elbow. She told him to stop multiple times, but he would continue touching her. He did not respect the word no. To add more salt to the wound, he is also our neighbor. He told my daughter that he could see into our house…the only rooms at that time that did not have curtains were the kitchen and her bedroom because her room was in the backyard and she couldn’t find any curtains she liked.
We now have thick curtains up. She also witnessed him putting a girl classmate’s hand near his crotch when the girl was taking measurements for inseams. He also told the girl that he hopes she would respect him in the morning. My daughter loved OAP, but that teacher was the new teacher for her senior year. She ended up quitting because she was not comfortable with him. She also tried to get out of his class at semester, but the counselor told her that she was a week late. My daughter asked if she could make an exception, and the counselor told her no. I wish my daughter would have told me before she did because I would have gone up to the school to take her out of that class.
My daughter had to do a critique over a film…when she got to the part where she said the white man got away with kidnapping, rape….he stopped her and yelled at her in front of the whole class and accused her of talking about him! Shortly after, she finally told me everything that was going on, and I had to take her to the dr because she had tics. After expensive tests, she was diagnosed with Tourette’s and has to go to counseling sessions and take anti-depressants and Tourette’s meds. When my daughter gets stressed out, her tics get worse physically and vocally.
She has had to be schooled online to where her grades have also suffered. I went to the school and talked to the superintendent, counselor, and principal, requesting that teacher not be at her graduation. They do not see anything to justify in asking that teacher to not go since it is a public event, and they don’t see that he did anything wrong, even though in the meeting they agreed that what he said about being sexually attracted to was inappropriate. I said, fine, how about we compromise, and he goes to baccalaureate and not graduation so that my daughter can attend her own graduation and feel safe.
The superintendent said he felt they were already compromised by asking him not to get near my daughter or family. I told him there would be no way she could go because her tics would get so bad physically and verbally. He also said he never witnessed them before. Finally, the principal said she would go ask the teacher about my compromise. The teacher said he would not be at the baccalaureate but would be at graduation. My daughter and I are heartbroken over this situation. What else can we do so my daughter can attend her own graduation?”
RELATED: Q&A: I Really Need Advice For My Daughter’s Behavior
Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Listen, you go sit down with the office staff and tell them if they do not remove your daughter out of the class, you will go higher up and more issues will arise. I had a teacher identical to this my senior year. I told my parents what was going on and everyone, school staff included, thought I was absolutely crazy but they did switch my schedule so I had a different teacher. About 2 weeks after, that teacher was escorted out of his class in handcuffs during school hours and went to prison for many, many charges.He actually married and had 2 children with a girl that was in my class. Trust me, they will do something.”
“First contact a lawyer and have them deal with the school system. Next go to the police and make a report on that Teacher. No telling what all he has done to other girls past and present if he is doing that to your daughter.”
“I would definitely go to the police and higher up especially seeing there’s another student involved that could be a witness also. This man will continue to do these things to other children not to mention it must be uncomfortable for your daughter to be living next to him, I would want to make sure he wouldn’t ever be next to my child again and end it all now.”
“A week before the graduation file a restraining order. There’s usually a 7 day period before it goes in front of a judge. That’ll keep him from her graduation ceremony.”
“What!? You should be going to the press and fighting with your school district to get this teacher fired. It’s not just about your daughter it is about the many other girls who can also be victims in the future.”
“Police, file for a restraining order, contact a lawyer, then contact the school board and let them know, maybe even news station. You see it with high schools and colleges, sweep things under the rug because of bad publicity and the headache of having to deal with it. Too many of our daughters have to deal with this, are unheard.. we need to be their voice, their strength, stand in her corner and fight for her.”
“I’d go to your local news station. Honestly sounds dramatic but if what you are saying is true he was trying to groom her and I hate to say this but I highly doubt she is the only one. I would go to the news station with the concern about him and tell them what the school told you. I’m personally appalled the school isn’t taking more action. I get just based off her side not doing this BUT based off what she is saying they should be investigating him themselves!”
“Go to the police and get a restraining order and press charges on him for harassing her and assault on a minor ( him constantly touching her even after she said no) . He will HAVE to stay away. Get the local media and reporters involved without using her name AFTER you do the above. This will force the school to do something. I’m sorry but with the school, they will do nothing and try to make it disappear, just like it sounds like they’re already trying to do. You told them, they made excuses, I’d go to the police. I’d get signs for my yard and write warnings on them with an arrow pointing to his house to warn other mothers. I’d make him never want to mess with another young lady again. He does NOT belong near teenagers and who knows, maybe other girl’s will speak up once the ball starts rolling….”
“PLEASE go to the police. If he’s doing it to 2 girls, he’s doing it to more and has been for a while. Do not bother with the principal, the vice, the counselors, the board of education. None of that. Go directly to the police. Then go get you a lawyer bc he groomed your daughter, he’s sexually harassing her, and he’s causing emotional and mental turmoil. If she has any proof, that will help. If she can talk to the other girl and convince her to press charges, that’d be great too. If one talks, the rest will follow. No way is he just doing this to 2 girls. I know the graduation part sucks, but you can have your own graduation at home away from him.”
“Law enforcement, because he’ll do it to another girl once she is gone. Or hes doing it/has done it to other girls.”
“You need to file a restraining and protective order. Take your evidence to the police. Something. I guarantee if they looked further into this person… The stuff they would probably find at home, on his computer is probably much worse. I would also hold some type of meeting with parents and see if anyone else experienced this type of behavior and if they were willing to go to whomever could help with their statements. Seriously. This is scary. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last. Please if not just for her for the other kids.”
“First, take this to the police darlin, next to the courthouse for an order of protection then the news station and lastly, a lawyer. The school is failing to protect your daughter after a sexual harassment complaint has been brought to their attention. Sue the hell out of them! They’ll get the point then.”
“Get a lawyer, go to the police and file charges, the school system is a mandated reporter and has failed your child.File a lawsuit against the school in general and the teacher specifically. Contact the newspaper and all local television stations. SCREAM HER TRUTH TO ALL AND ANY!!!”
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