Should I Cut My Toxic Parents Out of My Family’s Life?

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QUESTION: Should I Cut My Parents Out Of My Family’s Life or Just Accept They Will Never Change?

“My mom and I have never really gotten along. When I was younger, she always told me to lose weight and that I was big and unattractive. She always favored my brothers over me.

Now I am a mother to five girls, and she treats my kids horribly. She favors my brother’s kids over mine. We live in the same town, and they hardly ever see my parents. Their other grandparents live out of town and see them more often.

My kids have not spent the night at their house in over a year, but my brother’s kids have. I just don’t think it is fair to my kids the way she has been treating them.

There is a whole lot more to add to this but I didn’t want to type that much! Should I just cut my parents out of their lives or should I just deal with it and accept that she will never change?”

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Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“I definitely would. An absent parent/grandparent is better than a toxic one.”

“Cut her out and never look back. You said yourself that she’s treating your children horribly. Never let anyone treat your children like that, family or not.”

“Let them make the effort. Let your mother call and check on yall. Don’t call her. Don’t go visit. If they want to see your kids they know the way to your house. My mom tried to treat all her kids and grandkids alike. Even when I brought my bf’s son into the family he was treated no different.”

“I did, and my suggestion is for you to do what is best for your children. Don’t let anyone make you or your girl’s feel less/not enough.”

“If she treats your kids horribly, why keep taking them to visit her? That doesn’t make sense to me. You are not obligated to hurt your children, so don’t take them to a place they will get hurt in, by a person who should love them.”

“I would tell her and then cut her out. That way she knows what and why. But yes it doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are, if you’re toxic to me or my children (especially my kids) then you will be completely removed from us!”

“I’ve had to make this hard decision myself, here’s how I came to my conclusion- I weighed my options. What are we gaining from cutting ties? What are we losing, if anything? Will it bring me more peace or more stress to terminate a relationship? Could this be fixed with some boundaries? It sounds like you already have your answer and need validated. The bottom line, nobody NOBODY is worth your peace.”

“If you feel that she is toxic, then your children will feel it also. There’s no rule book that says that because she’s your mother that she gets to treat you this way. Cut her off. Set boundaries. You and your children deserve better.”

“Let it continue. The kids will judge the situation and eventually make the choice to cut them out. Holding a child from any family, only hurts the child.”

“I cut my mom out of my life because she is toxic and because of personal issues. Best decision I ever made.”

“I got to the third sentence in. I have two kids and same exact situation. Cut her out for real. I lived stress free for 2 years because of it. Just because they are blood doesn’t mean they are meant to be in your life. Toxic is toxic period. Don’t feel ashamed.”

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