When someone in your life experiences the loss of a pregnancy, it can be hard – or even seem impossible – to find the right words. Everyone reacts differently to a miscarriage, and there’s no one-size-fits-all response. Feelings like grief can be strong in this situation, and each person processes it on their own timeline. Unfortunately, trauma caused by pregnancy loss can lead to PTSD. Remembering this is important when you’re searching for the right words to say to someone who had a miscarriage, as you support them.
Before we share what you should say to someone who recently experienced a miscarriage, let’s take a moment to establish some ground rules. Every day is a different day when you are grieving. Make sure you give people the space they need when they need it. Be patient and be ready to be generous with your time on their terms.
“Refrain from putting forth your interpretations or explanations for why it happened, what someone should do, or how someone should feel,” licensed mental health counselor Michelle Pargman says. “You simply invite them to just be in the moment.”
Right to the Point
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Ask if They Want Help
“Is it okay to discuss ways I can help you during this tough time?”
If You Love Them, Tell Them
“You’ve been in my thoughts often. I just wanted to let you know that I love you.”
Be Ready to Help
“I’m always available to talk when the time is right. We don’t have to talk about what you’re going through; we can just shoot the breeze. Let me know when you’re ready.”
Admit You Don’t Know What Will Make the Situation Better, But Gently Ask
“I have no idea how to offer comfort at a time like this, but if you say it, I will do it.”
Admit You Don’t Know How They’re Feeling, But Offer Help
“I may not understand the pain that you are going through, but please know that I am here to help in any way.”
Grief Is a Lonely Companion
“Always remember that I’m here for you. You are not alone.”
Offer Advice
“Be gentle with and don’t blame yourself.”
Offer Distraction But Don’t Be Forceful
“I know you’re going through a difficult time, but would you want to do something together today?”
Boost Their Mood
“I love you so much and know that it’s a tough time, but I felt the need to remind you that you are awesome.”
Encourage Them to Take Their Time
“Grief is a mysterious thing. Take each day at a time and give yourself all the time you need to heal.”
If They Say They ‘Don’t Want to Talk About It
“I completely understand. Just know that I’m here whenever that changes. What would you like to talk about instead?”
If They Have Feelings of Guilt
“It’s not your fault. You loved that baby the best any parent could.”
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If They Have Feelings of Anger
“All of your feelings are valid right now. It’s all part of the healing process.”
If They Have Feelings of Embarrassment
“Everyone grieves in their own way. You will feel your way through this.”
If You Do Not Know What to Say
“I wish I could find the right words to help you right now. But I am listening whenever you are ready to share how you’re doing.”
Acknowledge Their Strength
“You are one of the very strongest people I know. But you don’t have to show strength right now. It’s okay to be kind to yourself.”
Be Their Ride or Die
“I know it will take a long time to fully process your loss and grieve properly. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Remind Them of the Grace They Show Others
“Remember to be as kind to yourself as possible. Show yourself the same level of compassion and understanding that you would show anyone else.”
For Someone You Are Not Very Close To
“I am so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”
Another Option for Someone You Are Not Close With
“I just heard the news, and I wanted to let you know that I am so sorry.”
Be Straightforward
“Do you want company at this time? Grief can be so lonely.”
Be Thoughtful
“I know how much you wanted to hold your baby in your arms but remember the love you shared with your baby went somewhere. It mattered.”
Lean In
“It must be awful going through this, and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to fully process your emotions. I’m always a call away if you need someone to listen.”
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If It’s Taking Time
“I have not forgotten you. I was giving you some space to heal. Are you ready to hang out or talk? I’m here whenever the time comes.”
There you go. Now, you know some meaningful things to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. Finding the right words might feel difficult, but it’s not impossible. A miscarriage is such a personal experience, and there’s no one way for a person to grieve. Just stick by their side, and you will make a world of difference.