The “America’s Got Talent” finale left Nightbirde, whose real name is Jane Marczewski, feeling overwhelmed and upset.
“This isn’t how the story was supposed to go,” Nightbirde wrote on Instagram Wednesday.
Nightbirde, who had to withdraw from the talent competition in August after her cancer battle took a “turn for the worse,” spoke on missing the finale. Magician Dustin Tavella ultimately was crowned the winner on Wednesday.
“I spend a lot of time squeezing my eyes shut and trying to remember what I believe; counting my breaths in the grief cloud; burying my face into God’s t-shirt,” the post began.
“I remind Him sometimes, (and not kindly) that I believed Him when He told me the story He wrote for me is good, and that He never stops thinking of me. I must be a fool in love, because even from under all this debris, I still believe Him. And when I’m too angry to ask Him to sit on my bed until I fall asleep, He still stays.”
“Someone released a fist full of wishing stars at sunset (STAR BALLOONS?! I mean WHAT!!) and yes, I sure did wish on every one. Here we are, you and I, signing off on the risk of REBELLIOUSLY HOPING for better days. Let us not be blind to our own glory. I’m raging and crying and hoping with everyone who needs to rage and cry and hope tonight. Also wishing on helium balloons. ????✨????”
Many were taken with Nightbirde when she performed an original song “I’m OK,” which was about her fight with cancer.
In the audition that aired in June, Marczewski said she has a “2% chance of survival” with “some cancer in my lungs, spine and liver… But 2% isn’t 0%. Two percent is something.”
Her audition performance has an impressive 37+ million views.
RELATED: Shannen Doherty On Cancer Battle: ‘It’s Part Of Life At This Point’
In August, the singer revealed how her “fight with cancer is demanding all of my energy and attention.”
“I am so sad to announce that I won’t be able to continue forward on this season of AGT,” she wrote on Instagram Aug. 2. “Life doesn’t always give breaks to those that deserve it — but we knew that already.”
“Sharing my heart with the world on AGT has been an honor and a dream come true. My point of view this summer has been astounding. What a miracle that the pain I’ve walked through can be reworked into beauty that makes people all over the world open their eyes wider.”
“Thank you for all your support, it means the world to me. Stay with me, I’ll be better soon. I’m planning my future, not my legacy. Pretty beat up, but I’ve still got dreams.”