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QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have different parenting views: Advice?
“I need advice. I am 25 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend and I have different views on how we are going to parent our baby. He told me that when the baby is crying, to leave him be, to wait until he stops crying, so he understands ‘independence and patience.’ He doesn’t want our child to be spoiled. But I am the opposite, when it comes to parenting, I think newborns should constantly be cuddled and held. I don’t know what to do at this point. I love him, but I already love our baby more.”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Read Dr. Sears about attachment parenting.”
“Look, y’all can say you’ll do this and that when it comes to parenting and won’t do this and that, but it’ll all change once baby arrives and once issues arise.”
“Wait till the baby arrives and see how his parenting changes. Oh and let me say, he’s not the boss of you. No one would ever tell me I cannot pick up my crying child. Babies first need to learn they are loved and their needs will be met. Then they can face the world.”
“I do both. I hold my daughter alooottttt but if she is crying, I wait for her to stop crying to pick her up. It doesn’t take long, I just talk to her and she usually stops within seconds. She is almost 2 months.”
“I think when they are so little, cuddling them is best. I never let my babies lay and cry for long, and they are 17 and 19 and turned out pretty great. They weren’t ever spoiled when little, just loved and loved us back.”
“I don’t think this is a question about preference. You should be looking out for what is healthy for the baby and it is not healthy to let a newborn cry. Newborns do not cry for attention, their brains cannot even put two and two together enough to even recognize they are getting attention from crying. I would say it’s not healthy to let them ‘cry it out’ till they are about 6 months.”
“This is how my husband and I are, but I still hold her all the time. He’s thankful that she’s not crying and screaming all the time. Also, you only get to hold these babes for so long, then they learn to walk and never want held. Soak it up while you can. Babies have been so used to being comforted by their mama in the womb, they don’t understand why they have been warm, full, safe, etc. in their mama’s bellies and then they aren’t anymore.
They need to be comforted, this world is scary to their tiny selves. It’s a great and crucial part of bonding as well. They know that if they have a need, mama is there to save the day. Also, newborns really only cry if they need something. (At least in my experience.) Whether that’s hungry, full diaper, upset belly, bored, lonely. You need to be there for your baby. Do what you want at this stage.”
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