A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says her MIL very obviously plays favorites with the grandkids, favoring the eldest, who is this mom’s husband’s child from a previous relationship. The MIL is still, apparently, friends with her son’s ex, which makes this mom (and the children she shares with her husband) feel not-well-liked.
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A member of the community asks:
“I have issues with my mother in law: Thoughts?
So I don’t know how to deal or how to feel about this. I hate my mother in law! She is constantly choosing favorites with her grandkids. My husband’s oldest is from another woman, and my baby is now 2.5. I don’t know if I am overreacting, but I feel like it because she is friends with the first woman. Like they go out to the movies and talk daily.
Grandma is always asking to spend time with Grandkid #1 and how she is doing and if she needs anything. However, I never get asked how my baby is doing or if grandma wants to spend time with my baby. I don’t want my baby to see the favoritism. And I never did anything wrong for the disrespect of my MIL talking about the ex to my Husband.
My husband has stopped it due to the fact they have not been together seen their kid was a week old. I hate having to deal with this because I don’t want to, and I want to leave, but I love my husband to death, and I am trying to figure out how to deal with this.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Plays Favorites with the Grandkids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Sounds like grandma doesn’t want to lose her first grandchild due to her son not being involved with the mom since baby was a week old..cut her some slack. Invite her over more often so she can bond with your child also..she knows her son is with you and your child. So she feels secure and not going the extra mile with you.”
“Why would you ever want someone to be around you or your child that behaves this way? What you allow, will continue.”
“You want to leave your husband because of his mother? I think you need yo stop trying to have her in your kids’ life if she isn’t trying. But to leave your husband over this situation is just stupid. You married him not his mom.”
“Sounds like your husband needs to have a chat with his mom about how she is making you and y’all’s daughter feel.”
“First, leaving your husband because of his mother is wrong. You didn’t marry her or have a baby with her. Second, has your husband said anything about favoritism or have you tried talking to him about how you feel? If not start there, then all three of you talk about it. Third, get rid of that negative energy! Be an adult for god sakes you have a child and a bonus child! They notice everything kids aren’t dumb.”
“Maybe she just knows the former GF better than you. So she is a bit more comfortable with her.
Maybe she doesn’t know how to approach you. Can you try to reach out? Ask her out for a date? The other thing that strikes me, you said you hate her. Do you really hate her or is this because you’re hurt?”
“Talk to your husband. I think it’s great that she’s maintained a relationship with his ex and their child. Your husband has a child with another woman. She will always be a part for your life, you need to find a way to deal with it.”
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