A mom writes in asking for advice. She and her husband have a four-month-old daughter. Both her family and his family made it clear that they would not be involved with their grandchild because of the age difference between mom and dad. Now mom is going in for open heart surgery and she and her husband could use some help taking care of their baby. The problem: neither set of grandparents is willing to do it. Mom feels really sad that they have no support. Any advice?
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A member of the community asks:
“My daughter is now four-months-old. My husband’s family and my family have both made it clear that they want nothing to do with us or our children due to the age difference in our relationship.
I’m going for open heart surgery and my parents will not come here and see the baby or at least take care of her and help my husband while he works. I understand they are not obligated too, but I feel as if we need more support [during this time] other than each other.
His parents will not come because his father had a heart attack which is completely understandable. But I fear the day that my daughter asks us why she’s not loved or why she doesn’t have grandparents that care. I don’t understand why I’m not loved by my own parents. Both my husband and I were given away as children.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who is Having Open Heart Surgery and Whose Parents Won’t Come Help.
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
Commenters felt for the OP and urged her to remember that family isn’t just blood. Family is what you make it and you can build your own family. As one commenter said: “Family doesn’t have to be blood. If your real family don’t want to be there make a new family.”
Commenters encouraged this mom and her husband to make real, lifelong friends (if they haven’t already) who are there to support you just like family. “Always been told it takes a village to raise a child,” shared one commenter. “Now with two of my own I believe that. But your village is who is right for you and your child! Doesn’t have to be blood!”
In terms of the OP’s worries that her daughter won’t feel loved: “You just be honest and tell your children the truth: they’re loved by you and your husband and that’s whats important,” said one commenter. “I’m a strong believer not making anyone be a part of my children’s lives that doesn’t want to be. That doesn’t make your children less or loved less, that just means someone else has a problem and and it’s their loss. You and your children don’t need that negative attitude around anyway.”
OP we wish you the best of luck with your surgery and hope you are able to build a community of friends who will be there for you when you need help.
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