A mom writes in asking for advice. She says her husband frequently asks her to change her clothes if he feels she is “showing too much skin.” He has also said that he doesn’t want their daughters to show skin either. Should she put up with his requests?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
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A member of the community asks:
My husband makes me change clothes if he feels that I’m showing too much skin. He says it is disrespectful for a woman to show skin. He doesn’t want our daughters to show any skin either.
He said he won’t let any of us “dress like wh*res.” I had shorts on under my skirt, but he said that wasn’t enough.
How do you ladies feel about it? He said his ex was lazy, overweight, never dressed attractively, and he couldn’t have sex with her, but I work hard to look good for him and he is still uncomfortable with it.
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s see what the community had to say.
Absolutely Not
“No man is telling me what I can or cannot wear. Girl, that’s a huge red flag.”
“Throw the ‘man’ away and start over.”
“That’s a big red flag… he sounds way too controlling and insecure at the same time.”
His Behavior Is, at the Very Least, Bordering on Abusive
“He is a fool, controlling you. You are a fool for you and girls. He needs to get a dog.”
“That’s the same way I was treated with my first husband. It’s all about control. If it wasn’t my clothes he controlled, it was me talking to other people, not having a job or my own money, getting a haircut, etc. Couldn’t even talk to my parents.”
“Sounds like the reason [his ex] became overweight was because she listened to him and his demands. Possibly started to become depressed and just started eating and sitting around hiding out so he wouldn’t get mad that she went and did anything involving people and clothing of his disliking. She probably became so sickened with his messed up ways she couldn’t even begin to think about having sex with such a jerk. RUN NOW!”
“He sounds extremely controlling. I understand if you were actually dressing inappropriately, but sounds like he’s just being a dick and trying to control what you do.”
“That’s controlling and mentally abusive…. Get out, he’s got problems.”
“Sounds like controlling and abusive behavior. Not good for you or your daughters. Time to pack them up and leave.”
Another Perspective
“A real man would want his woman to respect herself and cover up, not flaunt it for the world. Save it for him. I love it! Dressing modestly is beautiful.”
In Conclusion
We agree with the vast majority of commenters that OP’s husband’s behavior is alarming. It certainly sounds like controlling and potentially abusive. Your husband should not have agency over what you choose to wear. You are an adult woman who is capable of making her own choices. The fact that it seems he exhibited similar behavior with his ex makes this situation doubly concerning. This is
OP, know that you do not need to dress the way he wants, and it is not normal for a partner to be demanding in that way. We doubt you want your daughters to grow up feeling the way you feel when he tells you to change or implies that you’re a “wh*re.”
We wish you the best of luck in figuring out how you want to proceed.
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