A mom writes in asking for advice. She is getting divorced and wonders if she should let her step-daughter live with her through the end of the school year. Her step-daughter has some behavioral problems which make it difficult, but she wants to do what’s best. She is the only mom the step-daughter has known. She simply does not know what to do. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband and I are separated and will be getting divorced. Our oldest daughter is biologically his; I have raised her full-time since she was 2-years-old. I have no rights over her but told him I’d keep her until the end of the school year because I think that it’s best for her and my other two daughters to stay together in our home for now.
The bio mom isn’t in the picture, so I’m all she knows. On top of that, the oldest has major behavior issues and has been a huge issue in the marriage. She’s caused a lot of strain, and her behavior is hard to deal with. I don’t want to raise her, but I’m trying to do what’s best for all of them. What should I do? Should I have him take her? Should I just stick it out and keep her until we sell the house? I don’t know what to do.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Worried About Her Step-Daughter
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The advice for this mom was quite controversial. Some felt that even though they are getting divorced, she should still let her step-daughter live with her since she is her mom. One said, “Keep her because her mother already abandoned her and she probably feels her father left her, too. If you leave her it is going to make her feel unwanted. Just be her mom!”
Others felt the same way. One shared, “I would keep her and continue to be the only mom she knows. We all have at least one child with behavior issues. We’re Moms, we can handle it. We love them unconditionally.” Another agreed, “You’ve been there since she was two. You are Mom. You can get legal guardianship so you can have her a couple of weekends a month so she still has some normalcy. She needs a good relationship with her siblings and knows you’re not abandoning her.”
Some commenters had different opinions. One said, “If you don’t want to raise her then don’t. You raised her out of obligation because you married her dad and now that it’s over you don’t seem to mind giving her up. Ler her live with her dad. Kids know whether they’re liked and wanted around or not.” Another suggested, “Give her a choice who she wants to reside with. You may learn she doesn’t like you either.” A commenter also encouraged, “I would have a talk with bio girls. See what they think. Ultimately, it’s about what best for your bio kids and everyone’s ability to cope with the divorce.”
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