This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION: How would you handle your mom announcing your pregnancy before you did?
“How would everyone handle their mother announcing your pregnancy to the entire family without your consent? Let me give you a little back story first. I just found out I am pregnant and I have not had a doctors appointment yet for an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay. I have had two miscarriages prior to this pregnancy so I am very nervous for this appointment and praying all is well. I told my mom about the pregnancy early on only because we had a death in the family and I was explaining why I would be sending flowers and a sympathy basket to the family instead of attending. Due to Covid and the funeral being 600 miles away and me not being able to see my doctor yet, I felt it was best to stay home.
My mom was, of course, thrilled about the pregnancy and I explained to her to please not tell anyone because I hadn’t seen a doctor yet and I was nervous about making sure the baby was okay. She is aware of my previous miscarriages and how I felt during those times. Now rewind back to while I was pregnant with my second born. I had told my mom I was pregnant first along with my dad and my husband’s parents out of respect and asked them not to tell anyone else since we had a photoshoot planned with my oldest (he was 6 at the time) and he was really excited to announce to everyone he was going to be a big brother. My mother went to a family dinner in the meantime and told my family I was pregnant. It ruined the fun announcement we had planned for my extended family members and I was very upset she told since I asked her not to. It was my husband and my special news to share. I decided to put some space between us for a few weeks for me to calm down.
When the time came around for us to talk again she never acknowledged she did anything wrong and never apologized. She said she ‘didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,’ even though everyone got the same speech on how not to because of the photos we had planned. I let it go and figured she just got excited and blurted it out. Now here we are in the same situation except this time I’m begging her not to tell anyone again because I’m scared for my appointment and if I was to have another miscarriage I really don’t want to relive it by telling each family member. I’m, in all honesty, not that close with them and don’t feel comfortable having that conversation with them, especially during such a difficult time. Well, my mother went to the funeral I mentioned above and announced to the entire funeral that we are pregnant without my consent of course and after I literally begged her not to say anything until I knew this baby is okay.
I got a text from my cousins congratulating me. Not only am I upset she picked such a poor and distasteful time to announce it. But I’m also beyond hurt that she would disregard how I’m feeling. I’m also furious she would take the joy of announcing another pregnancy away from myself and our family. Especially when I had made it clear how upset I was the last time. I let her know I was extremely upset. Now so far (it’s been a few weeks) she has not reached out to apologize or even speak to me. She told my sister ‘I’m just hormonal and I’ll call her when I’m over whatever it is I’m even mad about.’ My cousins and sister think I’m being harsh by not wanting to speak to her. But I feel as though I have every right to be hurt and upset and I’m not sure how to even forgive her for this. Anyways, I would love to hear some thoughts! How would you handle this situation?”
Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Have your husband talk to her and voice your feelings as his shared ones. She thinks your hormonal, he might be able to get the point across.”
“Your anger is reasonable. Everyone should know their boundaries. Just keep calm and stay far with negative energy and vibes.”
“My mom has a habit of telling my news to everyone, so when I found out I was pregnant with my first I told my dad first and he kept the secret for me until I was ready to announce it. And when I did, it got out quick but after my first, I explained to [my mom] if she kept on, I wouldn’t let her know about the next especially when she thought she was posting pictures of my baby before I could. After that I didn’t tell her until I was ready to announce to everyone.”
“My mom did the same thing to me with my first pregnancy. I was 19 at the time. Out of respect, we called my parents first and told them. When we hung up, we called my then boyfriends parents. When we got off the phone with them and started to call other family members, my mother had already called and told them. I’m the oldest child/grandchild and I was pregnant with twins. These were the first grand babies and great grand babies. It really upset me. When I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd pregnancy, my son, my mother was the last to know. She was pissed, but that’s what she got for ruining the first announcement for me!”
“Your mother should of respected your wishes, it was not her news to tell.”
Have a parenting, relationship, or other family-related question? Submit it on Facebook or Answers!