A mom writes in asking for advice about her grandmother. She says her grandmother — her son’s great grandmother — refuses to respect her parenting rules. She cites a couple of examples, including a time she told her son he was not allowed to go in the pool at his great grandmother’s house, only to turn around and watch her grandmother let him go into the pool. She also says she has repeatedly asked her grandmother not to kiss her son on the face, but she frequently kisses him on the lips. This mom is fed up and is tempted to withhold her son until things change; is that wise?
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A member of the community asks:
“My grandmother doesn’t respect my parenting rules: Advice?
So my grandmother, meaning my son’s great grandmother, refuses to respect our rules and we don’t know what we can do to enforce them. The other day we went to my grandmother’s and I told my son no pool only to turn around to her letting him get in the pool. And we’ve told her a few times she’s not allowed to kiss him on the face, but she won’t stop kissing his lips. We just don’t know what to do. Is it okay to not allow her to be alone with him and to always take him away from her when she breaks rules?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Grandmother Doesn’t Respect Her Parenting Rules
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I’m sorry. Because she is a great grandparent and neither of these things is harmful to your child, I think you should let her spoil him. She won’t be around forever. Hopefully, he will have fond memories of how she was the only one that got away with defying you lol. My babies don’t even have grandparents, let alone great grandparents. I kind of wish I had this problem.”
“Lighten up, Karen. It’s the kid’s great-grandma. If you trust her enough to leave the child there, just let her do the grandma thing. All kids deserve to be spoiled a little but the grandparents. They teach us another kind of love. Let it go and just let them enjoy each other while she is here.”
“I wouldn’t take him over if she can’t respect your wishes. You shouldn’t just let people do whatever they want because they are relatives.”
“Blame the child for the pool. He knew the rule and broke it. Don’t blame the great grandmother. Second, why can’t she kiss him? Are you against affection? Cherish the moments you have with grandparents, parents, etc… I am 37, just recently lost my mom, and my 2 boys, aged 3 and 4, miss her tons. I have no parents or grandparents and would give anything to have them back and break all my rules.”
“It’s memories that are being created with someone who won’t be around forever. I can see that it would be frustrating but imagine how guilty you would feel if you kept him away and something happened to her. Hopefully you all can find a compromise!”
“Try having a grandmother that doesn’t love or care about your kids and you will change your rules.”
“I wouldn’t visit anymore unless she agrees to respect your rules as the child’s parent. I know it’s hard, but if you don’t set clear boundaries (especially with family) you will be dismissed and disrespected time and time again.”
“YOU ARE MAMA. Don’t let others make you feel bad for setting boundaries. It took a lot of reminding for me to get my grandmother to stop kissing my daughter in the face. I had to remind her in the moment because she would simply forget. It’s really not a big request and as long as she is still allowed to hug and play with him, you’re not depriving her of affection. And I think my daughter really appreciated me making sure others respect her boundaries. And as far as other rules like the pool, stand firm! And make sure she hears you say no and give your reason.”
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