After being together for five years, a Reddit user shared how happy she was when her 24-year-old fiancé proposed to her in April 2019. However, over the last year, her fiancé continued to put on weight like he did in college and now she’s thinking about calling off their wedding.
According to the 23-year-old woman, she and her fiancé have been together since they were 18. And although he put on about 50-pounds while they were in college, it wasn’t a “dealbreaker” for her, even if his weight gain “wasn’t great.”
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“I still enjoyed having sex with him and he was still active enough that we could live a normal life and have fun together,” the woman wrote. However, since college, he has continued to gain weight and now weighs more than 300 pounds. According to the Reddit user, he gained nearly 100 pounds in just a little more than a year.
The fiancée went on to call her soon-to-be husband’s weight gain “ridiculous at this point.”
“I completely understand eating a crappy cafeteria-vending-machine-microwave diet when you’re in college, plus the stress and late nights studying (or partying) where snacking is standard. But this far exceeds that. His habits didn’t improve after college. They just got worse. I’ve lived with him since our junior year and can attest that he eats FAR MORE junk food now, not less. Despite me shopping and making healthy appropriately sized meals for the both of us. Not complaining about that, I actually love cooking and trying new recipes, I’m just pointing out he won’t eat healthy even though he doesn’t have to put in any effort to do so.”
Now her “sexual interests” are “dwindling by the day. “It feels horrible because I still love him for the person he is but the physical part just isn’t there anymore.” In fact, his sex drive has also decreased, something she believes is due to his weight gain. However, she says her fiancé hasn’t made that connection.
He’s also been less willing to do things other than sit on the couch and snack, which has also attributed to her lack of attraction toward her fiancé. “I’ve tried many times to get him to do stuff I know he’s interested in (or used to be?) but he usually turns it down in favor of the internet. I find it hard to find an attraction to him when that’s all he does with his day.”
And although she says she’s tried talking to him about it, he doesn’t seem to have concerns about their relationship or his recent weight gain.
“Our wedding plans are pending due to COVID-19 but we decided we’ll probably go ahead with just a very small official ceremony in September. Being so close to making this commitment to him, as he is right now, is seriously starting to give me pause… I don’t want my husband to be like this for the rest of his life. I don’t want him to die young. I mean, 100 pounds in a year? So where is he by the time he’s 30 at that rate?”
Now she’s asking what she should do about this. “If he is struggling with something,” like depression, the Reddit user wrote. “I want to support him. On the other hand, if it’s just laziness and not caring, I honestly don’t think I could deal with that if it never changed. How do I tell the difference?”
And after receiving a handful of suggestions, like, “As harsh as it sounds, you may need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what you told us. Stress to him that this is a huge deal for you and potentially is a dealbreaker for you if things don’t change. Sometimes, we don’t realize how bad things have gotten until others give us a reality check,” the Reddit user shared an update with those following her struggles.
“I took a number of suggestions on what to bring up to him and how to have the conversation about my concerns. He did the usual thing of trying to brush it off. I persisted, much more than I have before. Eventually, I got my wish, he finally told the truth. Not easily, mind, this was a several hours long ordeal. He did NOT want to come clean about anything.”
According to the woman, her fiancé has a weight gain fetish.
“He’s been doing all of this on purpose, for years. He said the beginning was unintentional, just eating too much junk at college. Then he realized he liked it.”
However, because he knew that if he “let himself balloon too much I might bail, he told her that “he had enough self-control to keep it at a moderate level.” But when she accepted his proposal her fiancé allegedly took that as the “green light he needed to throw restraint to the wind and start pursuing this fetish full speed ahead.”
And the reason for his internet obsession is because he was posting in forums about the fetish and talking with others in the “feedist community.” According to Playboy, “the gaining fetish is a subcategory of fat fetishism—a strong, potentially exclusive sexual attraction to overweight people. The ‘feedie’ enjoys being fed and gaining weight, sometimes to a state of immobility.”
Some of their conversations consisted of sharing tips for gaining weight, sharing progress pictures, writing pornographic roleplay stories, and even sharing advice on how to keep their significant others in the dark. “I never had a single inkling of suspicion the entire time,” she wrote. “I still feel like a complete and utter fool. Like I got played, hard. This was NOT what I thought I was marrying into.”
“I’m truly disgusted. I’ve obliviously been sat right next to him countless times while he gets off in his own little world.”
“This has been going on right under my nose for years. I really cannot fathom how I could be so clueless. And that the person I thought I knew had the gall, to not only intentionally make himself obese, but to hide his motivations from me, seek out advice on how to do that, and lie to me over and over when I attempted to talk about my worry. I expressed how I felt seriously betrayed like our relationship had been built on a false pretense without my knowledge. He did apologize sincerely. He said he would “try” to lose weight. I asked why is he only saying that now? Why did he refuse to discuss let alone change anything all the other times I asked what was up? Leaving me to be confused and worried instead. He didn’t have an answer. He just begged me to give him one chance and promised he’d stop and get healthier.”
Now, she doesn’t know if she can believe that and although she’s 100-percent sure she wants to call off the wedding, she’s not completely sure if she wants to end their relationship altogether because she still “absolutely loves this man.”