It’s no secret that twins are hard work. Many people wrongly believe twins are just twice as hard than having one child, but when you factor everything in — money, time, schedules, and confusion — they are actually even more work than you’d think. So what’s a little shortcut, here and there? That’s what one dad thought when he marked his newborn twins so that he could tell them apart… Only it turns out, his wife was the opposite of thrilled.
In a Reddit thread which has since been deleted, a dad asked the community if he was in the wrong for using a (non-toxic) marker to help him remember which twin was which.
“My wife gave birth to twins. Everything went great,” his post begins. “I spent a lot of time at home with them but I ultimately had to go to work after about 2 months. So I haven’t been around them as much as I would like.”
The rest of his post reads as follows:
“Here’s the issue. My wife makes them share clothes, so I have zero clue which is which by their outfit. They both look almost exactly alike and I can’t figure out which is which. I asked if she would separate some clothes but she said no, because she thinks it’s cute they share clothes.
“Ever since I’ve gone back to work I’ve had a lot of issues identifying them. Anytime I call one the wrong name she gets mad and ignores me for an hour. She spends all day with them every day so she knows exactly which is which. I can’t do that.
“So instead of my wife being mad at me I drew a little dot (with a safe marker) on one twins right hand and one on the other’s left hand and I made sure to have the names right. It started to work. I didn’t have any issues identifying them until my wife found out. She got really mad at me because I needed that much help figuring out our babies names. The issue is I do need help. She spends all day with them. I do not. She got mad and left the house.
“A few days passed and she’s still mad at me. Now I’m here wondering if I fucked up here. Was I an asshole here?”
Most people who responded to the dad felt that he was not in the wrong.
“Your wife is going to have to get used to people messing up on identifying them u til they get older,” the top-rated comment reads. “Rather than drawing on them, maybe there is something else you can do. But if she’s not willing to help you, IMO she has no right to get upset.”
The dad responded to that comment, saying “I asked about giving them bracelets (that they can’t choke on of course). She laughed at the idea. Every idea I came up with she shut down.”
Most other commenters agreed that the dad marking his twins was not something he should feel bad about, especially since, according to the dad, he has attempted to communicate and find a solution with his wife, who has rejected all of his plans.
Telling identical (or even fraternal) twins apart is hard on the best of days. Add in the fact that these twins’ mom dresses them in the same clothes and the fact that the dad works full-time, and we have no trouble seeing how this new dad might be having some trouble!
We definitely agree that this dad is not an “a**hole” for trying his best to tell his twins apart. We hope he finds an alternative to a marker that works for him. Don’t beat yourself up though, dad! You’re doing just fine.