Our dads are many things but talented comedians most are not. That does not mean that a father can’t dish the best dad jokes. You know the type of joke, one that’s rather punny, corny, and only appeals to people over the age of thirty? Those jokes are pure gold in our book and we’d like to celebrate them with a list!
The best dad jokes can be about anything but they really only work if the person delivering them has male pattern baldness and a dry sense of humor. We wanted to discover the best of the best so we did some digging and spoke with some dads to share with you some of the very best dad jokes ever told. What these jokes lack in cleverness they much up for with heart! Check them out below for a good laugh!
Let’s Get Goofy with the Best Dad Jokes!
The Best Dad Jokes About Animals
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.
- Do you know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
- Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.
- What do you call a rabbit that has fleas? Bugs bunny.
- Do you know what’s smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee.
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? You bet! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
- What do you call a pig that’s trained in karate? A pork chop.
- Why did the shark blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
- Did you hear the frog’s car broke down? Yep, it had to be toad away.
The Corniest Best Dad Jokes
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then, it’s a soap opera.
- My wife suggested I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
- I asked my dog what’s three minus three. He said nothing.
- What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
- Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
- Where do boats go when they’re sick? The boat doc(k).
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
More Corny Dad Jokes
- What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- What does the lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
- What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen.
- How do you make 7 even? Take away the S.
- What time did the woman go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- Why couldn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn’t have the guts.
- What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put some boogie in it.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- What type of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
- Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Best Dad Jokes – One-Liner Edition
- When two vegans get in an argument, do you still call it a beef?
- Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- Swimming with sharks is expensive, it cost me an arm and a leg.
- That car looks nice but its muffler seems exhausted.
- I once had a dream I was floating on an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a Fanta-sea.
- A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- I used to play piano by ear. Now, I use my hands.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
More of the Best Dad Jokes In Just One Line
- I’ve got a great joke about construction. I’m still working on it.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I haven’t looked back since.
- People say they pick their nose, but I was just born with mine.
- I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
The Best Dad Jokes – Puns Edition
- Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
- How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
- What’s a robot’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
- What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- What do you call a strawberry that kids hit while crossing the street? Traffic jam.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
- How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
More of the Punny Best Dad Jokes
- It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
- What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
- How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
- Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
- Do you want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
- Spring is finally here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. What a rip-off.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.
More of the Best Dad Jokes for Punny Dads
- I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
- What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? Second-hand stores.
- What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
- My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
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- What do you call a beehive with no exit? Unbelievable.
- The first French fries weren’t cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
- I found a wooden shoe in my toilet yesterday. It was clogged.
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens. But, I was struggling to make hens meet.
- What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.
The Best Dad Jokes That Hurt They’re So Bad
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- Just imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar.
- Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid to screw it up.
- I can’t take my dog to the lake anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what one get for buying a pure bread dog.
- I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table
- I hate it when people say “age is only a number.” Age is clearly a word.
- I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
- Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
- Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
More of the Best Dad Jokes to Make You Cringe
- I’m addicted to collecting Beatles albums. I need Help.
- Not to brag but I made six figures last year. Unfortunately, I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
- I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. “No,” I said. “It’s to look at.”
- If you’re feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you fall asleep. It’ll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
- I’m reading a horror novel in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
- When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It turns out that identity theft is a crime.
- During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.
- When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
- How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
The Best Dad Jokes for Twisted Dads
- My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
- What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
- I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
- Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
- The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
- If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating nine kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.
- I have a fish that can breakdance. Only for ten seconds though, and only once.
- My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. Thank God, he drives a Civic.
- What do you call bears with no ears? B.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
- When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish: to be Frank in Stein.
- What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
More of the Best Dad Jokes for Lovers of Dark Humor
- I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. As it turns out, I’m not going to be a doctor.
- I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming hard to find exactly 32 old guys.
- Where did Jack go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
- Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
- How do you make any salad a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
- The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
The Best Dad Jokes About Parenting
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.
- A boy decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
- My parents raised me as an only child. That really annoyed my younger brother.
- My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
- Last week, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
- I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.
- I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
- A boy asks, “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” The father replies, “No sun.”
- A dad tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son says. “We are your biological parents,” the father replies. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
- The science teacher asks, “When is the boiling point reached?” A student replies, “When my father sees my report card!”
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The Best Dad Jokes of All Time
- What did the police officer say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.
- What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
- Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- Sundays are always a little sad… but the day before is a sadder day.
There you go! Don’t you agree that these are the 150 best dad jokes? We think they’re so funny that you can almost hear your dad telling them to you! The best dad jokes are all about the delivery, dads. So, be sure to ham it up to make those little ones laugh!