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There’s a group of three (A, B, and I’m C) of us as friends. No particular order. We all used to have dinner with each other often, spend time with people we were dating, and all that.
“B” surprised me at work one time and brought me lunch (which I didn’t like, but I ate it, cause I care for her), we were chatting and she asked me why I (C) and my partner are not engaged yet. We took my entire lunch chatting and my explaining that my partner doesn’t meet my needs or want to talk about the future. We are both in therapy, and learning that love is not transactional.
He still doesn’t actively show up in the relationship or want to spend time with me, and he doesn’t ever want to hold me or be close to me. I feel abandoned and unworthy and have expressed this to him. He doesn’t seem to care. I told “B” how much this upset me and it was a very emotional hour. She seemed very receptive and seemed to understand my pain.
She ended up coming over later that week for dinner with her husband. While she was on our couch, she started bringing up books about relationships. She said she was reading a book on respect and love, and out of nowhere said that I needed to respect my partner more for him to love me. I was pissed and hurt but didn’t show it, and didn’t actually respond to what she said, but I did say, “oh I haven’t heard of that book. But I have heard of the proper feeding of husbands.”
My partner and I were both upset and it caused huge rifts between us since “B” came in and completely shat on what I told her we were working on in therapy, and that her saying that means I have to continually abandon myself in order for my partner to attempt to love me.
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I decided not to spend time with her anymore because of her not respecting my space or feelings. She tried to apologize and defend herself, but I was not willing to listen, since she didn’t listen to me on my lunch hour of sharing with her. We have had issues in the past of “B” lying to “protect” herself and “not get in trouble,” but she is aware of how much honesty and accountability means to me because I grew up in an abusive environment with gaslighting parents. I also feel like she used my partner and I’s feelings against us in our own home. Something I had just spoken to her about over lunch, in confidence.
“A” knows this is happening, but continually listens to “B’s” side and never asks me about how I feel about it. She says she’s staying neutral, but I don’t think she is because she’s allowing “B” to continually talk bad about me, and divide us.
Fast forward… “A” in our friend group got engaged and is getting married. We have the bridal shower, we meet up to make floral arrangements, and do the whole wedding thing.
During all these different events (including the wedding day), “B” continually keeps STARING at me and being clearly awkward and acting like a victim. I am polite, friendly, and even let her wear my shoes at the bridal shower since she was complaining to “A” about us walking around downtown. I was friendly during all of it. I even did her hair at the wedding. I offered her a face mask since we all did them as a group. (
There were other women there too)I never brought it up, and never acted like a victim since it was my best friend “A’s” wedding day and I wanted it to be special (she’s a Libra, so you already know. ) and I didn’t want my mood to bring down the vibe or my feelings to come out at all, since I felt strongly about her disrespecting us and ignoring the whole lunch talk we had.
Side note- my partner did not come to the wedding cause of relational issues. But that is just information for later.
After the wedding and the reception, we are all drinking having a grand ol’ time. I go upstairs to the private, closed doored bridesmaid suite to eat some chips, recharge my phone, and sober up. As I’m sitting on the floor scrolling, drunk, “B” comes over and starts a fight about me ignoring her and not wanting to fix things with her. When I told her how I felt and how she disrespected us at our house after I shared things with her, she told me she understood and was sorry, and as we were hashing it out, her husband came upstairs and got involved and said that never happened.
She corrected him and said it did happen. She still kept saying she didn’t fully understand why I was so upset. I kept trying to explain it to her, and at one point, she completely flips her POV and said I was a liar and “made it all up in my head” and that I was making her a “scapegoat” for my relationship problems. (This is a huge problem from her lying in the past to protect herself. Which one time on my patio, she admitted to her habits.)
So I’m drunk. I’m pissed and start crying and sobbing and we are yelling at each other. I’m mad because she and her husband are calling me a liar now, and my partner isn’t here to defend himself or us, and I am not in a proper state to put these people in their place, or walk away from the situation.
“A” and her new husband accused me of starting the fight and completely took “Bs” side. They said I was selfish for bringing it up, and they said I ruined their wedding night. I didn’t bring it up though!
I acknowledged I was an emotional mess after “B” confronted me, but I told them I wasn’t taking responsibility for “B” making the end of the wedding about her. I would have been a happy drunk charging my phone eating Doritos to sober up if “B” didn’t show up to make something about her, and then completely deny what I’m upset about.
I have no control over other people and feel emotionally jumped. I did my best to completely avoid this situation before the shower, at the shower, at the floral thing, at the rehearsal dinner, and at the wedding. I also expressed to “A” that I didn’t feel like “B” was being held to the same standard as I was. I don’t think it’s fair she gets to hurt people and lie about it and bring this shit up at “As” wedding.
I also told “A” I didn’t think she was being neutral at all.
I blocked “B”. “A’s” husband said some messed up stuff to me and said he had PROOF I started it (which is also not true)”A” contacted me and said she already talked to “B” and told her how upset she was that she brought this up at her wedding, but “A” says shes not sure she wants to be my friend anymore because of how upset I was and was yelling at “B” and ruined her wedding night.
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I told “A” that it sounded like she and her husband had conflicting information and I wasn’t going to convince him he’s wrong, I just told him he was wrong and if he didn’t want to believe or hear the facts, that’s on him. I also told “A” that I was sorry multiple times and that it wasn’t fair I was being blamed for “B’s” actions and that I cannot control what other people do.
I told her and the wedding party should be mad at me for being drunk and upset, but I also told her she and the wedding party should be mad at “B” for causing problems and making the night about her, and then calling me a liar about what happened in my house months ago.
I don’t think I want to be friends with people that defend liars and defend people that hurt others, and I’m having a really hard time looking at “A” the same way since I feel like shes been against me ever since “B” kept complaining I didn’t want to be her friend anymore.
“A” knows “B” started it, but is still putting it on me. It’s not fair and I cannot control what others do. I am not interested in fixing things with “B” and never was.
AIC?