A mom writes in asking for advice about her son. She says her son, with whom she has “never really gotten along,” moved out “the second he turned 18.” She still loves him and wants to support him in an appropriate way, and to that point, she is wondering: Should she still be covering his car insurance and cell phone bills? Let’s see what the community had to say.
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A member of the community asks:
“Should I continue paying my sons bills?
My son has taken it upon himself to move out of my house the second he turned 18. We have never really gotten along, but I still love him, of course. He made his decision, and I respect that. My question is, should I continue paying his car insurance and cell phone bill? Are these things still things I should be covering?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Wondering if She Should Pay Some of Her Adult Son’s Bills
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I would have an honest conversation with him. Set a date when he will become responsible. ‘In 6 months I am going stop paying for these bills.’ My mom and I had a huge fight when I was 18. We stopped talking to each other, I moved away, I got a job… but she paid my phone and my insurance until I was 19.5. By then we had made up, but she never just stopped paying. When she did, she gave me time to make sure I could cover the cost, or I could change plans to something I could afford. I feel like that was the best thing she ever did for ’em.”
That depends on whether or not you still want to provide for your child. If you admitted neither of you get along, then I think it was the right choice for him to move out. That doesn’t necessarily mean he has to suddenly ‘man up’ or whatever. He’s still a child. You just don’t live well together.”
“If your son is working and doing all he can to support himself by all means pay his insurance and phone bill. Everyone needs a boost starting out. If he doesn’t work or go to school. And he is making bad choices, he needs to be cut off. Don’t reward bad behavior.”
“If he wants independence then give it to him. He’s adult enough to move out he’s adult enough to pay his own bills.”
“If he is trying his hardest to make it on his own, why make it more difficult for him? If you two didn’t get along, well, it’s probably best for the relationship he did move out. If you have no animosity towards him, and you’re capable of helping why wouldn’t you?”
“Easy answer is no. However, if you want to have a discussion with him and express a timetable for when you will no longer be paying for things, that might be the ‘nice’ thing to do. (But since he took it upon himself to hit the road, you don’t have to have this discussion… you can just stop.)”
“My 19-year-old moved out in June. I still buy all her groceries and she does her laundry at our home. Just because they leave, doesn’t mean you automatically stop doing for them. I’m grown and my parents still help me.”
“I would talk to him and give him a timeline of when he would be responsible for the rest of his bills. Give him a chance to adjust. I told my kids I will pay their phone and car insurance as long as they are going to school and passing their classes.”
“My husband says up until they’re 18, it’s a parent’s ‘responsibility’ (within reason) but after 18 it’s a gift.”
“Inform him he will be taking over those responsibilities. I’d give him 2 months to start paying his own car ins and 3 to 4 months to pay his own cell phone bill. 18 is still very young. If he says he can’t pay one of the two, I’d extend it to 6 months and after that, I’d pay half. Our job is to ease them into financial independence. Grant it he took a leap into adulthood, I’m sure you don’t want to see him go without regardless of your relationship.”
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