Six years ago, one Reddit user was approached by his best friend. His best friend is someone he’s known since they were children. He was actually the first person she came out to as a lesbian when they were in seniors in high school and they have remained close ever since.
When the Reddit user’s friend was in college she met her future wife. Six years after meeting, the couple got married and started dreaming of a family of their own. That’s when they approached the Reddit user.
Knowing they would need a sperm donor to begin the process of having biological children, the couple asked the Reddit user if he would be interested. “They asked if I would consider being their sperm donor,” the Reddit user shared, “because they wanted someone they trusted rather than a stranger and who’d be there when their child started to have questions about their donor.”
As he continued, the Redditor revealed that he was “honored that they thought of me and agreed to do it.”
“It felt good to help people I care about start their own family. We went through the whole process and a year later, Brenda gave birth to their daughter, Lucy (after Lucy Lawless of course, haha). Since she was born, I’ve always been present in her life and we have a great uncle/niece-type relationship. The three of us have been happy with how things are and they’re glad I’m close with Lucy. She’s already been told of how she came into the world (without the full details) and while she knows I ‘helped’ build their family, I’m still Uncle Steven to her.”
Roughly three years after Lucy was born, Steven found a girlfriend of his own. It was roughly four months into their relationship that Steven told his girlfriend about Lucy and how she came to be. He revealed that it took his girlfriend some time to process but she eventually warmed up to the idea.
Fast forward three years later, Steven and his fiancée are now engaged to be married.
Then things started to shift. While celebrating Lucy’s 6th birthday, Steven and his fiancée were in attendance. However, when it was time to take pictures, his fiancée refused to take one with him and Lucy.
“[I] didn’t think nothing of it until I noticed she was distant and hardly interacted with anyone. We talked after we got home and she said she didn’t feel comfortable with me seeing Lucy anymore because it still felt weird that I donated sperm and now I’m playing a role in her life when donors don’t do that.”
Steven said his fiancée demand shocked him because she’s never brought it up before. “When I said I wasn’t gonna stop, she got frustrated and it became a huge fight,” Steven continued. “She didn’t understand why I had to be in Lucy’s life and it felt unfair that she has to share me with someone who’s not my legal responsibility.”
The fiancée then asked Steven if the donor story was just a cover-up for actually sleeping with his high school best friend and accidentally getting her pregnant. “I get we were both angry but asking that was out of line. I told her I’ll never cut off my relationship with them and left our apartment.”
Steven wrote that his fiancée is still trying to convince him otherwise saying that “it’s unreasonable to choose a kid that’ll never truly be mine over her, someone I can have a future and a family with.”
While he feels bad his fiancée is feeling this way, he also feels like she’s “not being fair.” The Reddit user says his fiancée is “making me feel like the bad guy here and I need a neutral party’s help.” After asking if he was, in fact, the a**hole in this particular situation, many other Reddit users confirmed he was not.
“Wow. Your girlfriend is angry you have a relationship with your BIOLOGICAL CHILD. You are NTA, and you DO NOT want to have any kind of permanent relationship with someone who would sever your ties to your biological child. Run, and run NOW,” one commenter wrote.
And any others agreed. “Even if Lucy wasn’t his child, she would still be a child that he is an uncle-type to most likely. Unless [his girlfriend] is the type to cut a guy off from his own niece or other family, then the fact that it’s his biological child is likely the very thing that is wigging her out. It’s weird that she is letting her jealousy of an innocent child and good family dynamic become her “hill to die on”. I’m not sure why she thinks her inappropriate feelings about his family take precedent to his actual family,” another added.
It’s unclear what Steven chose to do, but many of his fellow Redditors seem to think blood is thicker than water. How would you handle this situation?
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