A mom writes in asking for advice about her relationship. She says that her partner and his son recently moved in her — she also has a child from a previous relationship and is currently pregnant — and gets mad when she asks him to be more proactive in finding work. He thinks it’s unfair that he has to work while she doesn’t, even though she’s managing the household.
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A member of the community asks:
“My partner gets mad that he works and I do not: Advice?
My partner and son moved in with me last summer, and I also have a son, both ten years old. I found out I was pregnant soon after and expecting another boy any day now. The problem is he hasn’t had a job this entire time. When I used to bring it up, he’d get defensive and say it wasn’t fair he should work while I was at home, etc. We’d both been single parents out of work, and no one would have taken me on pregnant (I was made redundant from the last job and struggled to find part-time stuff around my son).
The issue lately is that he sits up until anywhere between 2 and 4 am on school nights as well as weekends and school holidays so I either have to sit up late so we can go to bed together or leave him to sleep downstairs as I feel he shouldn’t be going to bed so late every night and then interrupting my sleep just because he chooses to play video games. He literally sits at the PC all day and night until bed. We split up for a few weeks as house chores were not getting done, he thinks it’s ok to rely on money I get, pays only his own personal bills without a care for how much electric he uses daily gaming all hours and has had a bad attitude towards me being pregnant. This has been my house nine years now, and he’s come back still not really looking for work, using the baby as an excuse and gets angry with me when I say he needs to be more responsible and not think it’s ok to still sit up all hours when the baby is here or come up late and disturb us both. He still barely cleans unless I nag him and resents doing anything he has to around the house.
Am I wrong in thinking he’s behaving disrespectfully and needs to grow up? He is not on the tenancy and wants to be, but why should I if he thinks he can do as he pleases with no concern for my feelings and contributes nothing financially. Would you mamas put up with this?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for The Mom Whose Partner Gets Mad That He’s Expected to Work
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community was pretty unanimous in their advice. This is not acceptable behavior. Many encouraged this mom to leave her partner. Some encouraged both the OP and the husband to find work. Read some responses below.
“Tell him to get a job or he’s outta the house. You can babysit from home.”
“I would kick him out.”
“Kick him to the curb and don’t just let anyone move in with you, think about your kids first.”
“I’m a single mom 2 sons and I work full time. I have no family and limited help. No excuses you can do anything if you try hard enough. And he sounds like a jerk you can do better. And yes men do want families and men will take a woman with kids. It is your home kick the bum out.”
“Bye guy! You went from your one child to three with one on the way. He is a leach. taking away from you and your children. That would not fly in my house.”
“Sounds like to me he is just using you for a place to live and money. It’s not our job to take care of a man.”
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