It has been one month since YouTuber Brittani Boren Leach and her husband Jeff lost their youngest son Crew. The parents of five discovered their 3-month-old son unconscious after putting him down for a nap on Christmas Day.
And although the last month has been a nightmare for Brittani and Jeff, Brittani has managed to remain as open and as honest as possible throughout this unimaginable journey. Recently, the mom took to Instagram to share one of the last photos ever taken of Crew.
The black-and-white photo shows Brittani sitting in the middle of a hospital bed with Crew in her arms as she looks down at him for one of the last times. The mom then explained what was going on behind the scenes as the moment was being captured by a photographer.
Brittani began, “I can usually keep my feelings at bay during the day because I can easily distract myself. But in the evenings they hit me the hardest. I’m really sick of being a part of this stupid “club” that no one wants to be in.” She continued:
“And for that one person who will HAVE to ask who took this photo… Yes, this photo was taken by a volunteer at Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep who offered to come to the hospital at 10 p.m. to take a few last photos before we said our final ‘see you later’ the following day.”
The mom continued admitting that “there is SO much” she wants to say. “For over three years our life has been documented on YouTube, and I’ve always shared openly about motherhood here on Instagram. It’s just natural to me, to express my emotions and grieve openly.”
Brittani then addressed the commenters who have traveled to her page that have left “rude, passive-aggressive comments” over the last month, directly.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you’ve NEVER kissed your child goodbye forever outside of O.R. doors, or held your lifeless child’s body in your arms, or felt the deep dark hole that losing a child leaves in your heart…. then any rude, passive-aggressive comments that you leave are from something very sick inside of you and I will pray for you.”
The Youtuber admitted that the tone of her post may come off as “angry, and to every degree, I think I have that right. It’s a stage of grief, so they say.” Brittani then concluded her raw and emotional message with gratitude.
She thanked the many people in her online community who have helped her navigate this season of her life with prayer, good thoughts, coffee and GrubHub gift cards. “It is my mission going forward to bless anyone who may find themselves in my shoes one day. And I hope you never do.”
Shortly after taking to Instagram, Brittani returned to her YouTube page. She and Jeff uploaded a 30-minute video that discussed exactly what happened to their family on Christmas Day 2019. The couple titled the post, “The Hardest Video We’ve Ever Made.”
At the beginning of the video, Brittani explained that they were at her grandmother’s house when she laid Crew down for his nap, mentioning that it was around his bedtime. It’s unclear how much time had passed, but sometime after initially laying him down, Brittani went to check on Crew and that’s when she discovered he wasn’t breathing.
Jeff then took over narrating what had happened that day. He explained that they were all in the dining room as her grandmother began passing out presents. “I just remember her running out saying that he’s not breathing. And it was just chaos from that point.”
From people yelling to call 911 to starting CPR on Crew, Jeff admitted that point is the hardest for him to go back too. Brittani explained that she doesn’t remember much of that day, calling it a blur.
While Jeff traveled with Crew as he was airlifted to another hospital, Brittani’s parents drove her to meet them. As she sat in silence, Brittani admitted that a million things crossed her mind, including “Why Christmas Day?”
Following a CT scan, an MRI, and two brain-death tests, it was determined that Crew no longer had any brain function, despite doctors getting his heart beating again. The couple then went on to talk about the difficult decision to donate his organs and the rest of their journey over the last month.
Brittani said of the moment when she had to say her final goodbyes outside of the O.R. on December 30, 2019, “There is nothing in life that can prepare you for a moment like that.”
You Can Watch Brittani and Jeff’s the Full Video Below:
“I told him goodbye and that I love him, and I was so proud of him and he was a hero.” Brittani also opened up about how scary it was when their story made national news. When updating her fans on what was transpiring in their life, her intention was never to make headlines.
Because their followers have been with them since day 1 of Crew’s life and beyond, “it only felt right for me to update on Instagram how things were going.” Going forward, Brittani and Jeff said their mission will be to honor their son in every and any way that they can.
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