You might be gearing up for a road trip where you’ll drive past plenty of cattle. You could also be planning to visit a farm, but any excuse is a good excuse for cow jokes. It might not be so nice to cows to make jokes at their expense, but we can’t help but pick fun at these gentle giants. Cows are an essential part of American life. At any given moment, some 9 million cows are on American soil. That’s a ton of heifers and bulls!
We decided to share some hilarious cow jokes with you so you can give a little laugh to someone in your life. Cow jokes range from punny to darkly humorous, and we’ve done our best to bring you a good mix of jokes for you to use on any audience. Prepare to be a-moo-sed by these fun cow jokes.
Good-Natured Cow Jokes
- What is as big as a cow but weighs nothing? His shadow.
- What happens when cows stop shaving? They grow moostaches.
- Why did the cow look so confused? He was having deja moo.
Droll Cow Jokes
- What did the politician tell the cow? That’s fake moos!
- What do cows do when they go skiing? Moo-guls
- Why do cows work? To make mooooney.
Silly Cow Jokes
- What is the best way to get a cow to be quiet? Just press the moo-te button.
- When you cross a smurf with a cow, what do you get? Blue cheese.
- What do you get when you cross two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
Entertaining Cow Jokes
- What did the cow say when someone told her a lie? Sounds like a lot of bull to me.
- What type of camera do cows use? Cow-non.
- What is a cow’s favorite movie series? Steer Wars.
Stellar Cow Jokes
- What did the farmer say to lazy the cow? Just give me 2% milk.
- When is milk the freshest? When it’s still in the cow!
- Why did the calf cry at school? There was a bully there.
Waggish Cow Jokes
- Why do cows like to go to the spa? To get some re-hoove-ination.
- What do cows say when they apologize to one another? Sorry, I made a mis-steak.
- What is a cow’s favorite subject in school? Cowculus.
Amusing Cow Jokes
- Why do cows huddle together when it rains? To keep each udder dry.
- Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings? Their hides are so thick.
- What did one cow ask its friend? “Got milk?”
Lighthearted Cow Jokes
- What did the cow shout when it did a cannonball into the swimming pool? “Cow-abunga!”
- Where do cows go on their days off? To a moo-seum.
- What did the cow say about the farmer’s bad outfit? That outfit is so bad it’s laugha-bull.
Ridiculous Cow Jokes
- What do you call a cow that eats grass? A lawn-mooer.
- What did the police cow say to the bad guy he caught? Don’t mooooooove a moo-scle.
- How do you make Swiss cheese? Using milk from a holey cow.
Absurd Cow Jokes
- What happens when a cow has PMS? It gets moo-dy.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- What math problems do cows like to solve? Moo-tiplication problems.
Zany Cow Jokes
- Where do Russian cows come from? Mos-cow
- Where do cows get their medicine? At the farm-acy.
- Where do young cows eat lunch? At the calf-eteria.
Witty Cow Jokes
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
- What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn? They beefed up their security.
- Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless? They’ve probably herd it before.
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Sparkling Cow Jokes
- What do you call a cruel cow? A de-moooon.
- Why are cows always telling each other jokes? To keep themselves amoosed!
- What do you call a cow on a diet? Lean beef.
Jolly Cow Jokes
- What song do cows love to sing? I’ve got the mooooves like Jagger.
- What do you say to a hurt cow? Ow.
- What did the cow say before making a risky poker bet? The steaks have never been higher.
Priceless Cow Jokes
- What is a cow’s favorite color? Marooooooon.
- How would you address the queen of cows? Your Moojesty.
- Why do cows want to see Times Square? Because it’s in Moo York City.
Daft Cow Jokes
- What animal goes “oom, oom”? A cow walking backward.
- What is a cow’s dream job? Being an udder cover agent.
- What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? “I am not amoosed.”
Hilarious Cow Jokes
- Who’s in charge of the dairy operations? The cow-ptain.
- Can you make money owning cows? Yes, I’ve herd it’s really profitable.
- What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her? Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again!
Comical Cow Jokes
- Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
- What kind of lunch meat do cows like best? A bull-ogna.
- Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold out? To keep each udder warm!
Endearing Cow Jokes
- What did the cow say to its therapist? “I feel seen, but not herd.”
- What would happen if you tried talking to a cow? Everything would just go in one ear and out the udder.
- Why did the artist love painting cows? He said they were his moos.
Warm Cow Jokes
- What is a cow’s favorite magazine? Moogue.
- When one cow said “Mooo!” to the other, what was the second cow’s reply? “I was going to say that!”.
- Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk!
Timeless Cow Jokes
- What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk? An udder failure.
- What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail? How diary!
- What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings? Cow-moo-flauged.
Ludicrous Cow Jokes
- What do cows put on french toast? Mooooolasses.
- How does Lady Gaga usually like her steak? Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw!
- What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
Mirthful Cow Jokes
- What do you use to count cows? A cow-culator.
- What do you call a magic cow? Moo-dini.
- What happened when the cow ran into the fence? It was udderly destructed.
Our Favorite Cow Jokes
- What did one cow say to the other on a cold night? “I don’t really know about you, but I’m Fresian.”
- What do you call a cow after an earthquake? A milkshake.
- Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes? He kept butchering everyone.
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Final Cow Jokes
- How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down!
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? He thought the mooooon was calling to him.
- How do cows introduce their wives? Hey guys! Meat Patty.
There you go! What did you think of these cow jokes? They get us right into the laughing MOOd. For even more jokes, keep reading. We’ve got some animal jokes for kids we think you also might like.
Here are 25 animal jokes for kids that are the best of the best!
Why didn’t the duck pay for his lip palm?
He wanted to put it on his bill.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod!
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The mooooooooooooovies.
What would a bear say if it got confused?
I barely understand.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken was not born yet.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween?
Baaaaaaad to the bone.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…
But catscan.
Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A lamborghini.
If the early bird gets the worm…
I’ll sleep until there are pancakes.
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear!
Want even more animal jokes for kids? Keep reading!
Where did the school kittens go on a field trip?
To the mew-seum.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
Because she was a little shellfish.
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Why couldn’t the pony sing “Happy Birthday”?
Because he was just a little hoarse!
What do porcupines say when they kiss?
Ouch!
What do you give a sick bird?
A tweetment.
What do cows read?
CATTLE-logs.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.
What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A bat!
What do you call a group of apes who start a company?
Monkey business!
Why do tigers have stripes?
So they don’t get spotted.
What’s the difference between a guitar and fish?
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish!
How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
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What do you call a gorilla with bananas in its ears?
Anything you want! He can’t hear you.
There you go! Don’t you think your children will love these animal jokes for kids? We think they will get a real kick out of them. Jokes are a great way to entertain your little ones. There’s nothing better than a child trying and repeat a joke only to get the punchline mixed up! Animal jokes for kids are actually fun for the whole family.
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