Touchdown: 100 Football Jokes That Pick Fun at Everyone’s Favorite Sport

Many of us live for football season and cheering on our favorite teams. When the Super Bowl rolls around each year, some treat the event as a household holiday. If this sounds like you, you might be looking for ways to spread some good vibes and fun. Football jokes are a great way to keep things light, fun, and enjoyable. They will score points with friends and family who might need some relief during a particularly stressful game.

Football jokes range from clever to downright stupid, and many are appropriate for all audiences, meaning you can share them with kids for some wholesome fun. These jokes are so hilarious that you’ll be the MVP at your next football game gathering. Discover the best football jokes below and share them far and wide.

Cutting Football Jokes

• How many Jets fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, they are happy living in New England’s shadow!
• What do you call a New York Jet with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
• Want to hear a Chicago Bears joke? Jay Cutler.
• What is the difference between a Los Angeles Rams fan and a baby? A baby will stop whining after a while.

Cheerful Football Jokes

• What did the football player say to the flight attendant? “Put me in coach!”
• Why do coaches like punters? Because punters always put their best foot forward.
• What football player has very strong legs and builds houses? A car-punter.
• What does JETS stand for? Just End The Season.

Hilarious Football Jokes

• Two football players are in a bar. One walks up to the other and says, “Hey, wanna shot?” The other says, “I’ll pass.”
• Why is the football stadium so windy? Because of all the fans.
• Someday, I want to make an edgy football joke on Facebook. It’s my goal post.
• The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collar bone. Fortunately, none of them were mine.

Endearing Football Jokes

• Why did the football player cross the field? To get to the other sideline.
• 8 PM: I get a text from my girlfriend that says, “Me or football?!” 11 PM: I text back, “You, of course.”
• Where do Jedi play football? On the force field.
• What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman-ship.

Joyful Football Jokes

• Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
• How do football players stay cool? By standing close to the fans.
• What happened to the joke that Tom Brady told his receivers? It went over their heads.
• My wife left me because she says I’m too obsessed with football. Oh well, we had five good seasons together.

Entertaining Football Jokes

• What’s the difference between a punter and a punster? A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
• How did Scrooge end up with the football? The ghost of Christmas passed.
• Did you hear about the football field NASA built on the moon? They used astroturf.
• What is the best creature at football? A score-pion.

Engaging Football Jokes

• What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game? He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.
• Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down? Someone was yanking his chain.
• Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats? The yards were stacked in his favor.
• Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart? She was a fair catch.

Amusing Football Jokes

• Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game? He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
• Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week? Knute Rockne would turn over in his grave.
• What do you call 20 Vikings fans in the basement? A whine cellar.
• Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field? The coach told him to take a hike!

Droll Football Jokes

• Why don’t quarterbacks share puns when playing? Because they produce audible groans!
• What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year? All porpoise yardage!
• What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
• What do you do if a running back swallows the football? You have to get him to cough it up.

Absurd Football Jokes

• I was wondering why the football was getting bigger. Then it hit me…
• Why was the pig ejected from the game? For playing dirty.
• Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
• Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game? Then you’ll be charged with interference.

Ridiculous Football Jokes

• Which football team has the coolest helmets? The one with the most fans.
• Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Uriah. / Uriah, who? / Keep Uriah on the ball.
• Why is it always warmer after a football game? All the fans have left.
• How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football? Unlock the door and pull the handle.

Silly Football Jokes

• What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A football coach.
• Why can’t the Detroit Lions player get into his own driveway? Someone painted an endzone on it.
• Why can’t you play football with pigs? They hog the ball.
• How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team? They’ve both been beaten.

Lighthearted Football Jokes

• Why can’t Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf? They always hook the ball.
• Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Tess me. / Tess me who? / Tess me the football!
• Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school? He was a tackling dummy.
• Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.

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Witty Football Jokes

• What runs around a football field but never moves? A fence.
• What did the bumble bee running back say after getting a touchdown? Hive scored.
• Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game? For persistent fowl play.
• What are successful kickers always trying to do? Reach goals.

Off-the-Wall Football Jokes

• Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers? They know how to split the uprights!
• Which football player wears the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet!
• Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field? Under the ghoul posts!
• What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown? A dino-score.

Hysterical Football Jokes

• What do biology majors wear on their heads when playing football? Helminth.
• Where do quarterbacks go when they get old? Out to pass-ture.
• Did you hear that some college football teams don’t have a website? They can’t string three “Ws” together.
• What is harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath!

Waggish Football Jokes

• What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
• When is a football player like a judge? When he sits on the bench.
• Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
• What’s the difference between a poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Bold Football Jokes

• Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game? Because he had no body to go with.
• What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice? “Let’s wrap this up!”
• What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man? Football like no one has ever seen.
• What do a bad football team and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Rich Football Jokes

• What kind of ends do you find in libraries? Book ends.
• Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.
• Who are the happiest people at the football game? The cheerleaders.
• Why are college football stadiums always cool? Because they’re full of fans.

Daft Football Jokes

• How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball; it drives them nuts!
• Knock, knock? / Who is there? / August. / August, who? / A gusta go back to football practice!
• What did the college football say to the punter? “I get a kick out of you.”
• Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub…

Pleasing Football Jokes

• What football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.
• What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap; the other takes a nap.
• What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? “Give me my quarter back!”
• How is losing money with a payphone like a football game? If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!

Hysterical Football Jokes

• Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
• Why did the football player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
• Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
• What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A football coach.

Comic Football Jokes

• Which football game do cats like to watch? The Goldfish Bowl.
• What do centers wear on their feet? Hiking shoes.
• Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team? They needed a little team spirit.
• Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Captain Hook!

Best Football Jokes

• Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.
• What do you call a lineman’s kid? A chip off the old blocker.
• What did the football say to the punter? I get a kick out of you.
• Which insect doesn’t play well in football? The fumble bee.

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More of the Best Football Jokes

• Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
• What do football players wear on Halloween? Face masks!
• Which two football teams played in the Pirate Super Bowl? The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
• What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea.

There you go! What do you think of these football jokes? Aren’t they fun? For even more funny content, keep reading. We’ve got the best dad joke memes to share with you.

Get Goofy With These Dad Joke Memes!

Castles

Do you have a similar favorite childhood memory? Let’s hope not.

Ants

The best dad joke memes are the dumbest ones. The ones that barely land are somehow the most sublime.

Pears

Word-play is essential among dad joke memes. It’s the greatest tool in the toolbox.

The Accident

This one hits pretty hard. Well played, dad.

A Bad Boy

A few broken rules never hurt. This silly meme is the right brand of stupid.

Roses Are Red…

Well, that’s unfortunate. At least dads are around to make a joke about it.

Now Showing

Dads can’t be stopped and neither can their pirate jokes. If we have to hear one more joke with the punchline “booty,” we’ll scream.

Not The…

If this dad joke meme does not make you cringe, you’re not alive. Who even thinks like this? Dads.

Need a Massage

Wordplay and puns are hallmarks of dad jokes and this is one of the worst offenders we’ve ever encountered.

Meats

If your dad is a grilling fanatic, you can likely relate to this dad joke meme about pictures of meat. Just wild.

Yes, Indeed

You can make a whoopee of this joke if you’re so inclined. But, the narrator is right, the prosecutor should have seen it coming.

How’s It Going?

Well, this was an unfortunate exchange. Thanks to the dad who shared it with the world.

There It Goes

It’s as simple as that. What a stupid joke. Do you need to come up for air yet?

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That’s Tall

Lord help us if a dad should ever start swimming in the dating pool again. It will be a rough awakening.

Apple Watch

Someone really did that. If you did not facepalm after seeing this, your heart has stopped pumping.

Self-Help

Do you ever see something and intrinsically know a dad created it? This is very much that.

Where’s W

Likely true. It’s amazing we have been around as a species for as long as we have.

Knock Knock

Dad joke memes will turn a joke format on its head. But, honestly, this joke about dogs is too real.

Saying No

Where’s the lie? You know a dad made this meme.

Hamburger Dad

Here’s a cheesy dad joke meme that you did not know you needed. Is there an emergency eject button for life?

Nostalgia

For this dad joke meme, a dad reached deep into his past to comment on how much videogame graphics have improved since his youth. He’s telling on himself.

50 Cent

Here’s a timely joke meme about the latest Super Bowl halftime performance. Did you survive it?

Nuts

If you did not think the dad jokes could get any dad-ier, you were sorely mistaken. We’re sorry.

March 10

Will you recover from this one? It’s possible. Wow, there is no bottom.

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A Sacrifice

We leave you with a joke about a microwave needing to take a human sacrifice. We did not expect to get here, but here we are.

Feel better? We hope these funny dad joke memes brought you some joy. Who doesn’t love a corny meme every once and a while? Return to these memes anytime you need a pick-me-up!