People looking to build their own families are increasingly turning to surrogates. Over the past decade, surrogacy has become extremely popular for couples and singles who have had difficulty, or are unable to, get pregnant on their own. Surrogacy can be a life changing option for many, but what happens when something goes wrong and there’s an unfixable mixup?
One couple have ignited a debate about surrogacy after posting their story on Reddit. According to the post, a mixup occurred and after the man saw the baby, he refused to acknowledge the baby as his child. He told the surrogate mother that he was not the child’s father and would not take the baby.
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In the Reddit post, the anonymous poster said that he and his wife struggled to conceive a child, so they turned to a surrogate.
According to the post, the couple suffered multiple miscarriages and found it extremely difficult to conceive. They turned to surrogacy agencies for help.
“We paid lots of money to a surrogacy [agency] in order to have our own child together,” the post said. “The surrogate was a nice lady who took care of her body and we got along very well,” he added.
The surrogate’s pregnancy had gone well and the couple was “so excited,” the day of the birth.
Excitement turned to disappointment after he saw the newborn.
“Once I saw the baby I knew that there was something wrong,” the man explained in the post. He explained that the baby, “had asian features, black hair, and brown eyes.” Which was puzzling because the poster and his wife, “white blonde folks with blue eyes.”
The couple immediately requested a DNA test to get some answers. After seeing the results of the test the man knew he was right, “I am not the father.”
The couple turned to the surrogacy agency for some answers only to discover that there had been a tragic mixup. The sperm used to fertilize the egg was not his. This is extremely rare, but it happened in this case.
What a mess!
The sperm bank and surrogacy agency offered the couple money for their silence and to prevent any legal recourse.
Needless to say, the couple is shattered.
“We don’t care about race, we are just upset that the baby wasn’t both of us, if he was white and not mine we still would of been just as upset,” he explained in the post. “The surrogate was really heartbroken as well after we revealed what happened but can’t afford to keep it as she already has five kids.”
The reason he posted to Reddit was to ask if he was wrong for not keeping the baby after the surrogacy mixup. And further, is it wrong to take legal action?
People thought the baby needed a loving home, regardless.
“I’m in tears reading this, it has ruined my day,” one person commented. “I know it’s a big ask but can you really not find it in your heart to love this child? He has still been blessed to you and your wife and needs to be loved just like any other baby.”
What about the original poster’s wife?
“Baby is biologically related to OP’s wife,” a person noted. “If he’s using biology to justify why they are morally allowed to abandon the baby, the wife would immorally be abandoning her child, even if he doesn’t consider it his own. If she’s ok with giving up a child she’s been wanting to have, she’d be a huge [expletive]. He’d also be the [expletive] for not accepting that his wife’s child is also his child, even if they’re not related by blood.”
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“Sounds like OP hasn’t really considered his wife’s feelings or opinion … because you’re right, that child is HERS,” another agreed. “If the baby had been born obviously white, OP probably wouldn’t have ever questioned paternity. OP, sorry you’re not the bio dad but you’re asking your wife to give up her longed for baby?!”
Some people were on the poster’s side and understood where he was coming from.
Of course, people will always pick a side.
“It’s really sad I agree with you,” one person agreed, “and for the poor baby who nobody wants him and he just came into the world… not the parents fault tho … “
“But it’s not the child they wanted to have,” someone else added. “They specifically went with surrogacy to get a child that was biologically theirs. That is the entire point of surrogacy. Whether that’s morally right or not is another question, and a difficult one. But it seems pretty clear to me that neither got what they wanted.”
With the most direct response ever, someone commented, “Lol no way man. That kids gotta go and the company needs suing out of business.”
The man posted an update saying that he and his wife had put the baby up for adoption. They are currently weighing their options about a potential lawsuit.
Not a happy store at all. Let’s hope that the baby gets adopted by a loving family and the surrogacy agency never has a mixup like that again.
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What a horrible story. I hope that baby finds someone to love it. Maybe you don’t deserve it.
Remember: God doesn’t make mistakes!
There’s never certainty in anything in life. A surrogate is what was used and it didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to. They are responsible for the birth of that child and should take responsibility. If they hadn’t started the whole situation the baby wouldn’t be here. It’s like having a blue-eyed girl and you wanted a brown-eyed boy, so just reject them. Actually, that happens all too often. They know all this.
Tough decision here. Could I give the child up? Probably not but would I understand if the ‘father’ felt left out and resented the child had none of his characteristics because of a botched job?
More than that, I’d even wonder if I had made a wise decision to ‘play god’ and have myself impregnated by an unknown.
A baby without a father. A mother who (apparently) doesn’t want her biological infant. These are the tragic consequences of human intervention in the process of conception. Rare, yes, but all parties involved must have contractually signed off on the possibility of a mix-up.
One comment referred to the fact that “God doesn’t make mistakes.” He doesn’t. But humans do. God had nothing to do with this tragedy. This is what can happen when humans try to play God.