A woman is asking Reddit if she is the a****** for refusing to allow her boyfriend’s 4-year-old daughter to have a room in their house.
“So my boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) have been together for two years,” the OP (Original Poster) begins, “and we just bought our first house together. We move in at the end of the month.”
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“My boyfriend has a four-year-old daughter Kate from a previous relationship. I love Kate with all my heart. She lives with my BF’s ex, and comes to visit us for short stays and sleepovers, more often in the summer time.”
“Our new house is about a 30 minute drive from Kate’s mom’s house. It has three bedrooms: a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. We are converting one of the rooms to be an office for my BF and me to work from. That leaves just one spare bedroom.”
“Kate was really nervous about us moving so far away, and my BF has reassured her that she will still get to visit all the time – and she will have her own bedroom waiting for her whenever she wants. My issue with this is that I don’t want Kate to treat the only spare bedroom as her personal bedroom. Rather, I want it to be thought of as a ‘guest’ bedroom.”
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“Of course Kate can stay there whenever she wants to. This isn’t part of the debate, I want her to feel welcome all the time. But I don’t want it to be only her room. I don’t want it to be filled with her toys and clothes, so nobody else feels comfortable to sleep in there. I don’t think it’s fair that a room is reserved for someone who is not there 90% of the time.”
“In addition, my BF and I are planning to have a child of our own, and I want to make sure that when that happens, we will have space for them to live. I can only imagine the circus in a few years if we have to tell Kate we are taking away her room to give to her new sibling. That’s why I want to set expectations now – that Kate is always welcome, but she will be welcome as a ‘guest.'”
“My boyfriend thinks I’m being unreasonable, that Kate needs her own room for stability, especially as she feels we are moving away from her. He says we can keep a pull-out sofa in our office for guests to stay on, and call the spare room ‘Kate’s room.'”
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“I still don’t think it’s fair to have a room just for Kate when she won’t use it very often. And I think it’s reasonable to be worried at the prospect of eventually giving Kate’s room away to a future child.”
One user said: “YTA. She is a member of the family and deserves her own space. And how did you not have this conversation BEFORE buying the house? Isn’t how many rooms & what they’ll be used for one of the first things discussed before looking at homes to buy?”
While another commented: “OP YOU MARRIED A MAN WITH A MINOR CHILD. She should not be a GUEST. Your home should feel as much like her home as her mother’s house does. You saying that you want her to think of herself as a guest is horrific and sets you up as the evil stepmother.”
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