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QUESTION: My Husband Is On a Lot of Hookup Sites But Won’t Admit It, And I’m Going Insane Trying to Please Him: Advice?
“My husband is on a lot of hookup sites. He swears someone hacked his email, but I know it is him.
A friend said it is a way to get him turned on so he can be intimate with me, but that made me feel like I’m not what he wants.
So I lost weight and started wearing makeup daily, I dress sexier now, but he is still on them. Last night I found a love–sex cam open on his phone while he was in the shower; we don’t have a sex life anymore, like twice a month is a big deal to him. He said he is older and doesn’t want it anymore.
I just feel like I’m in for a major disappointment.”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Mine said someone stole his info and took a picture of him while he was alone at home in our bedroom and posted it on one of those sites. We’re divorced now.”
“The goddess living inside of you can give you more than any man you ever dreamed of. Let go of him and start loving yourself. Live your best life.”
“When you go grocery shopping… pull out cash and start stashing money… then leave when you get the chance!”
“Leave. There is nothing you can do. Nothing you should do. Just leave.”
“This has nothing to do with you. You are not the “problem”. HE IS. Get yourself a lawyer, take pictures of his phone with the dating sites/screenshots whatever you can.”
“My ex also told me that his email got hacked. Found out he cheated multiple times. Don’t fall for it.”
“In my experience, regardless of what you do, this won’t change. He won’t change. You will drive yourself crazy trying to be what you believe he wants until it breaks you. Completely. Life is really really short, love yourself enough to share yourself with someone who makes you feel complete. Even if that person has to be yourself for awhile. I’ve been alone 2 years. I’m happy.”
“Just remember… Jay Z cheated on Beyonce. If a dude wants to be a POS and cheat, he will. Doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful.”
“This has nothing to do with the way you look. This is straight up cheating, even if it’s never been physical. I would guess that he probably has an addiction to porn. He’s probably looking at anything he can. He needs to change this or you need to move on. No one should have to live life with a feeling that their partner is not attracted to them. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. No one deserves that.”
“I know it’s probably easier said than done but I think you either need marriage counseling or you should leave if he won’t… that sounds like sex addiction even if he doesn’t want it with you. My ex was the same way…”
“First, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Second, throw the whole husband in the trashcan. He’s either cheating, or he’s going to. Don’t ignore the red flags, and never change yourself for someone else. The right man won’t make you question anything.”
“So I live petty. My advice… Men HATE when you start treating them like they treat you. You are already working on yourself (congrats, I hope it was for YOU and no one else). But start chatting on dating sites. Even if your not serious, or interested. Let your email get “hacked”. He will either stop his crap or you might find someone to appreciate you.”
“I’d prepare to leave and get your ducks in a row before he ends up surprising you one day with some divorce papers and new girlfriend. It’s very likely that he’s already cheating on you (lack of intimacy) and you’ve caught him on these sites and with cam sites it’s a lot more personal and conversations can be each changed. You deserve much better- there are lots of real men out there. Don’t settle for the pos yours sounds to be, (sorry).”
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