A mom writes in asking for advice about her 4-year-old daughter. She says her daughter will always ask her mom if she loves her after she gets in trouble. Whether she gets put in a time out or ignored or yelled at for bad behavior, her daughter always asks her mom if she loves her. This worries this mom, who thinks maybe something in her actions makes her daughter feel unloved in those moments.
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A member of the community asks:
“My daughter always asks me if I love her after she gets in trouble: Advice?
Hello mothers, I’m not sure if I’m writing in the correct place… I am a single mother to a 4-year-old. When she does something wrong and maybe I put her in the naughty corner, sometimes shout or just ignore her, she always asks after a few minutes if I love her.
She’s doing this more often now, and this is worrying me… What could be making her think that I don’t love her/why could she be asking this all the time?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Daughter Asks if She Loves Her Every Time She Gets in Trouble
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“She’s just looking for reassurance. I would say, ‘Yes, mommy loves you so much and always will. But, mommy doesn’t like (insert what she did wrong), and that’s why you’re in the corner. Mommy will be back in 4 mins when time out is done.”…
… Once it’s done, remind her why you put her in the corner, tell her you love her, she needs to apologize for bad behaviour… then hug and kiss. Carry on with play or whatever was going on before the time out if able or if wanted OR redirect her to do something else. And don’t bring up the past incident. It’s a phase, mama, she just likes to hear it. I still like hearing my mom say she loves me too lol.”
“‘I growl and put you in the naughty corner because I do love you, not your behaviour.'”
“Tell her you always love her, but you don’t like her when she is bad.”
“Tell her you love her, and that’s why you correct her behavior. Because you want her to grow up to be a responsible adult.”
“My 5-YO daughter asks this a lot after getting in trouble. I tell her I love her constantly… all day, every day… and she gets a ton of attention and affection from me. I just think they’re young and don’t know. They just want to make sure. I always tell her yes, of course, I still love you, but what you’ve done is not ok. Just remind her that just because you get angry doesn’t mean you don’t love her. Kids just want reassurance.”
“Tell her ‘yes I always love you but it’s my job as a mom not to let you do bad things and to teach you the right things.’ Also, be careful, I have known children who would do that to be manipulative and get their way (ex. Do you still love me question as a way to distract you and make you feel bad while they get out of timeout sooner than you intended.)”
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